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“What to Expect After Your AuDHD Diagnosis”

“Your auDHD diagnosis will come with its own aftershocks of grief, anger, and relief. From someone who has lived it, here’s a bit of what you can expect so you can prepare.”

By Stephanie Deline, Updated on May 7, 2025
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I thought I was well prepared for the news because I long suspected I was neurodivergent. Ahead of my evaluation, I devoured countless articles, peer-reviewed studies, and other resources on ADHD and autism. I became laser-focused on the barriers women specifically face in the evaluation process and was determined to advocate for myself.

Nevertheless, a mixture of anger, grief, and relief washed over me when I was officially diagnosed. ADHD and autism, or auDHD, were my “new” realities (new only in label, of course). Though I was prepared for the evaluation, I never thought to research the emotional aftermath — an oversight I deeply regret.

Chances are that your autism and ADHD diagnoses will come with their own aftershocks. From someone who has lived it, here’s a bit of what you might experience, so you can prepare.

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1. Mourning the Childhood You Never Had

The moment I walked out of my assessment, my brain flooded with unpleasant childhood memories. Many of these highlighted moments in which auDHD had been on full, plain-as-day display. My neurodivergence absolutely should have been picked up by the teachers and mental health professionals around me.

The desk that I couldn’t keep organized. The room that I couldn’t keep clean. My inability to focus on anything beyond my passions and interests. The executive dysfunction that plagued me. My zero tolerance for boredom. My lack of eye contact. My tendency to self-isolate. And the stims. Oh, the stims.

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But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I was misdiagnosed, hospitalized, over-medicated, and left without improvement or answers. Every aspect of my life had been a baffling uphill battle.

Post-diagnosis, I was thrust into a period of mourning for the little girl who should have had a much easier childhood. I cried for the preteen who couldn’t keep up. I desperately wanted to time travel and reassure the younger versions of myself that everything would be OK, that help was coming.

Your diagnosis, like mine, will be validating. It may also set off intense grief for what could have been. No amount of obsessive scientific research could have given me the tools to grapple with that.

2. You’ll Unmask — Willingly or Otherwise

Don’t be surprised if your auDHD symptoms appear to intensify immediately after your diagnosis. I struggled to focus, and my socializing abilities (which were already abysmal) plummeted. My friends and family began to comment on my fidgeting. A couple of rude people even asked questions like, “How come you weren’t like this before your diagnoses?”

While their inquiries were decidedly insensitive, I actually asked the same questions in my own head. Why was I suddenly struggling more? It was mystifying, until I realized that my symptoms and struggles had not changed, but my relationship to them had shifted. More specifically, I was more accepting of them.

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My diagnoses, while emotionally draining, also illuminated all the shame I had buried deep within. The dual diagnoses felt like a permission slip — an unspoken authorization to ditch the neurotypical façade. The mask I had donned all these years was probably why I was able to fly under the radar for so long, but it never really camouflaged my otherness.

My diagnoses gave me the courage to gently remove the mask altogether, examine it, thank it for its service, and bid it farewell. It was terrifying, like saying goodbye to a lifelong toxic friend. But it also felt like an important step in the radical acceptance of myself as an autistic woman with ADHD. And that meant that more people were able to observe my fidgeting, hyperactivity, executive dysfunction, stimming, disorganization, and a host of other symptoms to an extreme they hadn’t seen before.

It was, and still is, nerve-racking. But it felt, and still feels, deeply necessary.

3. You’ll Develop a New Interest: AuDHD Awareness and Advocacy

One of the pleasant surprises of my post-diagnosis existence was the opportunity to hyperfixate on a good cause. I now co-exist with the insatiable urge to learn, speak, and write more about neurodivergence. I revel in building connections with others (especially women) who are autistic and/or have ADHD, and I hope to raise awareness about the realities and nuances of these conditions.

With all its challenges, my post-diagnosis life is brimming with a new sense of purpose. I have an identity outside of auDHD, but this part of me is loud and large. It’s integral to who I am, who I was, and who I will become.

In a world full of misinformation and stigma surrounding neurodivergence, I feel uniquely positioned to speak up. It is incumbent upon me – while still figuring out life with auDHD — to share my joy, my struggle, and my truth. I hope my perspective can help other women with auDHD expand their own awareness and become inspired to advocate, too.

Could You Be AuDHD? Next Steps

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