“I Felt So Misunderstood.”
“Reframing my negative thoughts helps me cope with ADHD. I’m not hyperactive; I’m energetic. I’m not disorganized; I’m spontaneous.”
I come from a generation that assumed women could not have ADHD, and I felt so misunderstood. Society taught us that girls were caregivers, nurturers, nice, quiet, and pretty. I didn’t meet those expectations. Like other girls with ADHD, I mistook my difficulties for character flaws. This set the stage for depression, anxiety, and devastating blows to my self-esteem.
When I became a mom, I realized that people with ADHD do not tolerate lack of sleep and changes in routine. My impaired executive functioning — poor time management, procrastination, emotional dysregulation — made motherhood acutely difficult. Societal expectations (i.e., women should have the perfect house and perfect kids and bake endless cookies) sparked feelings of isolation.
3 Ways to Cope with ADHD
Here are some approaches I’ve learned over the years that can help mothers with ADHD today.
[Get This Free Guide: ADHD Diagnosis for Women]
- Ask for help. Seeking backup is not a reflection of poor parenting or a sign of weakness. Dump any unhealthy, unrealistic expectations for yourself.
- Reframe negativity. You’re not hyperactive; you’re energetic. You’re not disorganized; you’re spontaneous. If someone calls you moody, explain that sensitive people make for empathetic friends
- Practice self-care. Put yourself first. Get up before your kids to enjoy a quiet workout or breakfast. Do what makes you feel grounded before you take on the day’s responsibilities.
Reframing Negative Thoughts: Next Steps
- Free Download: Get a Grip on Tough Emotions
- Read: “Women Need Better, More Accurate Diagnostic Tools for ADHD”
- Read: Putting a Stop to Negative Thoughts
- Read: “We Demand Attention on the Health Consequences of Delayed ADHD Diagnoses on Women”
Terry Matlen, LMSW, ACSW, is a psychotherapist, consultant, and author. She has 25 years of experience helping women with ADHD.
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