ADHD in Women

The ADHD Effect on Sex & Self-Worth

For many women with ADHD, impulsivity and low self-esteem lead to risky encounters and a search for validation. Here’s how to break free from toxic patterns.

By Susan Young, Ph.D. Updated on May 6, 2025
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Many teenage girls and young women with ADHD come of age feeling different or misunderstood. To fit in, gain acceptance, or feel loved, some engage in sexual activity, mistaking it for intimacy or a gateway to true relationships.

Research suggests that women with ADHD are more likely than their neurotypical peers to engage in sexual exploration at a younger age and to have multiple sexual partners. Their behavior is often an attempt to find validation or soothe the emotional chaos that ADHD can create. For some, it’s a way to fill the void created by low self-esteem or a lack of meaningful connections.

Here’s what that looks like for the women with ADHD who have trouble setting boundaries, misjudge risk, and suffer poor self-esteem: In seeking connection, they find themselves in risky encounters without considering the potential consequences. They tolerate disrespect or unsafe situations to avoid rejection.

Risky Sex and Women with ADHD

Many teen girls and women with ADHD are unprepared to handle the consequences of risky behavior, whether it’s dealing with a sexually transmitted disease or an unintended pregnancy.

Understanding how ADHD affects decision-making, through education and self-awareness, can empower women to take a step back before acting. That can mean practicing how to assert your needs and say “no” under pressure to build confidence in relationships, and using checklists to plan safe dates, manage contraception, and schedule health check-ups.

[Read: How ADHD Impacts Sex and Marriage]

Dealing with Low Self Esteem

From a young age, females with ADHD endure criticism for being impulsive, disorganized, and/or emotionally labile. These experiences can create a narrative of self-doubt, where they internalize the idea that they are the problem. This mindset doesn’t disappear in adulthood and often affects their relationships.

When things go wrong in sexual relationships, due to a lack of intimacy, mismatched desires, or conflicts with a partner, many women with ADHD blame themselves. Self-blame can have a profound impact on self-esteem and emotional wellbeing. It can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and worthlessness that make it harder to address the real issues in a relationship. Instead of expressing her needs and desires, a woman may withdraw in fear of rejection or criticism.

If you have experienced any of this, here’s how to shift your internal narrative:

[Watch: Are ADHD Symptoms, Medications Affecting Your Love Life?]

Making Healthy Choices

Emotional Hypersensitivity

Women with ADHD are deeply affected by any criticism, real or perceived. If a partner declines intimacy, you interpret it as a rejection because of your low self-worth.

  • Do this: Recognize external factors. Work stress, family pressures, or physical health issues can all influence intimacy. Relationship struggles are rarely the fault of only one person.

Difficulty Communicating Needs

Expressing desires or frustrations can be challenging, especially for women who fear being misunderstood. When conversations about sex go awry, it’s easy to assume you’ve done something wrong.

  • Do this: Communicate openly. Tell your partner how ADHD affects your emotions. Together, explore ways to navigate challenges without placing blame.

Negative Self Talk

Many women with ADHD have an inner critic who harps on their perceived flaws. This voice can be particularly harsh around the vulnerable topic of sex.

  • Do this: Letting go of self-blame begins with embracing your authentic self and recognizing that you deserve relationships in which you feel valued and supported.

Build Intimacy and Healthy Relationships

Breaking the cycle of self-blame is an essential first step toward a fulfilling sexual relationship. Next comes the work of building and maintaining healthy intimacy. ADHD can sometimes create barriers, but you can strengthen your bond by:

  • Planning regular moments together when you intentionally block the distractions that steal your attention.
  • Focusing on what brings you joy. Physical affection, emotional vulnerability, and shared activities all contribute to a sense of closeness. If medication or stress dampens your libido, get advice about alternatives or supplements that can support sexual health.
  • Learning to say “no” to situations that don’t feel right. This empowers you to protect your wellbeing and foster healthy relationships.

You deserve a relationship in which you feel loved, respected, and understood – not despite your ADHD, but because you are uniquely you.

Risky Sex, Hypersexuality and ADHD: Next Steps

Susan Young, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in London.

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